As I paddled today I realized I have stories to tell and to share. To what end, problem cyber never-never land. I understand that but for me documenting this will be something to look back on and feel great about.
The thing about this feeling that flows through me, I never want to lose it. If I have to put words to screen to remember for the days that I might lose my path then so be it.
A couple weeks ago on a paddle down the Willamette to the Blues Festival in Portland, OR I had a woman say, "You are an inspiration." when I talk about how I just do what I do. I jokingly say, "Nooo! Don't feed the ego". Because I am a pretty girl and have a strong sense of who I am and my ego is pretty big as is... But in reality I think I am starting to get it and it isn't ego talking it is a reality of our world that I seem to be doing something people have a hard time doing. Breaking out of their defined existence. Definitions put on us from various sources, skin color, sexual orientation, physical ailments, psychological ailments and I could go on.
For me there is one item that defines in so many ways because it is there on the table, in the room and in the mirror and in my head and it is the same for a lot of America these days.
I am fat.
A am fat-fit.
However you would like to describe me I refuse to get into a box and be defined by the extra weight and have it limit me. Does it limit me? Of course it does. Hell if I can do a pull up at the gym (yet), but can I modify most things to work with how my body is now, yes. 100% yes. Will that help me get to where I want to be? Gosh I hope so but if it doesn't I am having a hell of a good time along the way.
As I paddled down the Columbia River today I saw people of all sizes walking along the water. Most of them looked at me and smiled and waved. I wonder, are they smiling because they see a fat girl on a kayak and that just has to be amusing? Are they smiling because I am out there on the water and they understand, wish they could be out there with me? Are they just that friendly?
I like to think it's because they see a fat girl kayaking.
This blog will be used to explore my kayak journey. So I have it written. I may have missed documenting the first month of my journey but I will snapshot back to those moments and capture what I can from the feelings that were there that still reside in me today.
I am breaking out of my "defined box". Will I wait for the weight to be gone to live my life and be me, oh hell no.
How are you breaking out?
the water has been waiting for you
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DeleteWhat type of kayak is Lola?
ReplyDeleteNecky Vector 13, though I haven't been in her forever. Have a few other kayaks and a raft now :). It is an evil addictive sport. Doing a lot of whitewater these days.
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