Klickitat: A Story of Sheer Survival

Ha!

Not really but if it is one thing I am good at is being a little dramatic.

So did my real 2nd trip down White Water at the Klickitat with a buddy.  A little more intense than Nehalem and I am definitely showing some bruises from it.

Decided to practice my T Rescue.  Okay looked it up, the definition is a lot different than what I was told.  I feel totally ... duped!  Okay the official online definition is a lot less hazardous to my well-being and a lot less crazy.  Here is what I was told it was.

You flip over in the kayak, instead of kicking out and doing a wet exit, you stay in the boat, stick the oar under your arm, bang 3 times on the side of the boat and then start rubbing the sides of the boat until you feel the bow of your partner's bow.  Using that as balance you are supposed to snap with your hips back upright.  Now mind you there is a time warp.  When you are under water you are sure at least 20 minutes has gone by, you have set some record for a fat girl holding her breath. The reality, 2-5 seconds goes by.  Seriously.

Well the first time I did it, didn't go as planned.  Adrenalin pumped, I didn't even bother to use the spray skirt handle to pull out, I just took my strong ass legs with full panic mode and Bam! on the boat and did a wet exit.  Wow was my heart beating, hands shaking.

Not one to let fear set in I took a minute or 10 to collect myself, empty the water out of the boat and try again.  This time I held my breath a little bit better prior to flipping myself.  I managed to get a little further than the first time and I didn't have an adrenalin rush.  I held it a bit longer before I did the Bam! with the legs and out of the boat.  I count that as progress, man.

From reading on line the adrenalin rush and increased heart rate doesn't help when trying to hold your breath so I really need to work on the panic factor and remaining calm.

I was afraid if I didn't try again the fear of that first time would eat at me.  I didn't do it after that because we decided a more controlled environment devoted to just learning this skill was probably appropriate.  Because keep in mind we hadn't even started the run yet and all of this takes a wee bit of energy.

So the first few rapids I am able to stay in my boat, I ended up going in a couple of times and having to do some rescuing of a paddle and myself.  Got pretty beat up by some river rocks and have already decided I am going to tell people my buddy beats me with rocks when nobody is looking.  Had an audience for a couple of the flips which is all so hysterical.  What must they be thinking watching this fat girl flip over and then maneuver to land to only empty the boat out and get in and try again.  As their fat asses sit from their yard chairs, holding their beers.  Maybe I will make them think twice about their sedentary lives or more than likely they are thinking they have it right and they won't end up sputtering up river water like that crazy bitch out in the water.

One of the things I do battle with is how much I want to do this and how reliant I am on others in the craft to be there to essentially hold my hand/paddle.  It is very hard for me to accept from other people anything that I don't do an exchange for.  It goes against everything in me that needs to keep a fair exchange rate, a balance if you will.  And I have to repeat to myself something that has been imparted to me in my own head, "This was done for me, this is paying it forward.  Just pay it forward."

I can't wait to be the one paying it forward.  Hopefully to some sexy piece of man meats.  Just sayin'.

Camping Snapshot III: Going Down & Under - Busting Cherries

I got to play in some boats during the trip, I totally cheated on Lola and I didn't care.  Not one for the Poly-amorous lifestyle that is prevalent in PDX... as I am way too territorial about my man meat once I stake a claim, however in regards to kayaks I am totally Poly.  I have come to terms with it.  Lola will have to find her way of handling it as well.

I went into the weekend wanting to do a couple of things.  The big one was falling into the water.  On purpose.  Flipping my boat in a controlled environment.  Choosing when and where I lost my boat tipping virginity.  It was a beautiful spot for it for sure.  I will remember it always. And I did it with another boat first before Lola.  I got in a play-boat which is way different than Lola.  Lola is this sturdy thing that is stable and barely needs anything to control her.  When I was taking instruction from a friend he kept saying "keep your hips loose, use your hips"... well with Lola I didn't need to do any of that so I just sort of thought he was being perverted and wanting to see me wiggle around more, which I of course happily did.  But then I got in a little play boat... ooh daddy is all I got to say.  Well no it isn't actually.  Let me tell you I think some belly dancing classes would come in handy for Kayaking.  The little play boats are extremely sensitive to hip movements, much like most men are...

So as I am moving around my hips and playing I get caught in a little current and Bam!  I felt myself going and I just went with the flow.  It was a lot scarier thinking about falling out and doing a wet exit than it was doing it.  It was kind of fun to do it.  So I kept doing it... a lot.  I just kept falling out of whichever boat I was playing in just because.  Sometimes on purpose and sometimes not so much.

So I ended up taking a creek boat down some rapids, at first I had a bigger boat but one of the other girls was having issues with how tippy creek boats are and she kept falling in, a rope rescue had to be done as she came down the rapids sans boat, so I switched with her because as I have established... I kind of enjoy falling in and plus I was better equipped to get myself out and back in the water than she was so it just seemed logical.  It's what I do :).

Okay let's be honest for a second... I wasn't being totally self-less.  I wanted to play in another boat... yes I am a Boat-Ho, I admit it.  I have a problem, I love boats and I want to play with them all.  Let's not limit that to just kayaks.  If it floats on water... I want to play with it.

So I did my first rapids. I looked uber dorky in a borrowed helmet, so going to have to get something that brings out the blue in my eyes and accessorize properly... something cute in a dark purple or blue color I am thinking.

But I did it.  I did white water :)  I am now a full on junkie.

Me looking uber dorky after running white water and successfully staying in the boat :).  I had a mishap during one rapid where I didn't keep paddling and I started woo-ing too soon.  Well premature Woo-ing can lead to a wet exit pretty darn quick let me just tell you.  I came out of the water still Woo-ing though :).

Of course I put my fins on to do some swimming proper like.  So me and one of the guys were putzing around in our fins when I just looked at him with what I know had to be a gleam in my eye and said, "let's go down the rapids in our fins!" giggling a little maniacally.... his response "where do you think I was headed?".  Love it when there is a true partner in crime beside me.

Well it was fun as shit.  I have the black and blue marks from being pounded against river rocks as a memory.  My ass is literally black and blue... The rocks spanked me like I was a bad little girl, lol.

Camping Snapshot II: Pancakes in a Can!

I think for my first camping trip in over a decade I got spoiled by this group.  We had so much food and so many luxuries during our "roughing it", it is kind of comical.  We kept making jokes that we had everything except the kitchen sink.  And then I found an add for a camping kitchen sink, only $50... totally have to get it now just to be the one to say... oh "it's cool guys I got the kitchen sink"!

I did discover that you pancakes can come in a can.  Completely organic too! lol

We had a few lessons in Ax wielding for our Ax Beginners, for those moments when the logs you buy pre-cut are just too big and you want something smaller.  We came prepared, we had three varieties of wood cutting implements that were pulled out.  My guess is if we asked there may have been more... a little on the prepared side we were.  Crabs, Crawdads, Sausage/Corn Pancakes, Eggs, and I can't remember everything else... but lots of food and decadence. 

My role was commentator and woo-girl while sitting next to said fire.  Woo!

Camping Snapshot I: Orgy of The Salamander

The adventure started with me almost ditching my friend.  I was following him and all of the sudden we were in the Suburbia of campgrounds.  People everywhere, vending machines, motor homes, ugly people, it was horrific.  I stopped breathing for a second and then started planning on how to ditch him "by accident".  And then he left the horrors of the strip mall campground and continued forth onto an unmarked gravel road and I guess this is really where it begins.

It began with the sacrifice of a small mammal.  Going up this winding one and a half lane, pot hole ridden, gravel road there is not much you can do when in the middle of the swirling dust a small rodent like creature decides to spread its guts on your car.  I had no choice and in the end I turned it into a positive instead of a negative.

I mean really I thought it was a good omen.  I took care of the death and destruction jinx done right off the bat, I pretty much saved lives and with this group... we needed all the help we could get.

We stopped at a couple places that barely looked like anything to find the right spot.  The one we ended up at was perfect.  You couldn't tell what it was from the road.  You go down this rutty dirt path and it opens to a clearing that overlooks the Nehalem River.  You have to go down the embankment to the water but that is it.  Just out in nature.  When I tell you my soul was in heaven, that is an understatement.

I felt like I was finally able to breath.  I was left alone for a while while a trip was made back to town to get the other folks in the party (off the grid, no cell service... lovely!).   I had no desire to go back, friend said "wow you really don't want to leave do you?"  Not one single cell in my body wanted to go, he was right and I was transparent as all get out.  All I wanted to do was get in the water.  So I did.  Cold river water.  After pitching tents, I swam around, set the Crawdad traps because that was going to be dinner later in the trip, fresh from the river.  Then I took a nap on the embankment across from our tents, well covered in sun screen, lol.  I enjoyed being there all alone without a soul in the world.  My soul started to feast and I could breath again.  Best high in the world.

And then the others came.  Queue ominous music... haha

Hardly!  Fun folk came. We started our explorations and we saw some kinky shit.

First off and really the best of the whole trip:... the Salamander Orgy.  Dozens of Salamanders all doing nasty, slimy things against each other.  OKay maybe in my gutter mind that is what they were doing.  I am sure some bio-chick/dude will have a counter argument to my theory and come up with some ridiculous natural reason for them to do that but after Googling for an extensive 2 minutes and finding nothing I think our conclusion was completely full of merit and of win, Salamander Orgy.

Just sayin.